


I Will Never Call You Brother

by shameonme23



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Smaug, Boys Kissing, Child Neglect, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Not brothers, Underage Drinking, Unrelated Fíli/Kíli, but for royal reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-15 02:56:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2213094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shameonme23/pseuds/shameonme23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin has too many kingly things to do and Fili is left behind until Thorin marries and gives him a new brother, that he doesn't want but grows pretty fond of. But is the feeling mutual?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First thing I've written that made it to over 5000 words :) Kinda experimenting and trying to get the feel for writing and finding my own style. Let me know what you think! :D
> 
> (oh, and not beta'ed so all mistakes are mine)

After Fili’s father, Vili, had died on the battlefield at the gates of Moria, Thorin Oakenshield, his uncle adopted him without second thought, naming him his heir and son.  
Soon after losing her One, Thorin’s sister Dis, Fili’s mother, fell ill and returned to stone to join her beloved husband.

Raising a child alone proved to be problematic under normal circumstances but it was downright impossible when you were a king. Thorin had no time for the lad and what little time he did manage to spare for Fili was far too brief. It began to affect Fili’s behavior.  
With his only contact being with his teachers and sometimes the soldiers that followed him around while he played in the deep of the mountains he grew lonely. 

The other dwarf children would play with him only because they had to but secretly, or not so secretly, they disliked the boy. Mostly because he was different with his yellow hair but also because he was quiet and disliked playing loud games that brought mud and twigs and bugs dripping into the halls. 

Soon Fili gave up seeking company of other children his age and continued on by himself.  
Thorin grew more worried as his adopted son folded in on himself and became even more quiet and reserved. The boy had been nothing but energy and joy as a tot and now he was unrecognizable as the son of Vili and Dis.  
He knew he had no one to blame but himself for his absence in his child’s life. 

It took some hard thinking, long journeys and too many meetings with his council for his comfort but finally a plan was formed.  
He would marry and the dwarrowdam he chose would adopt Fili as her own and take care of him when Thorin was away with important kingly business. 

Dwalin and several of his men went to the west in search of the perfect dwarf lady for Thorin, Balin lead a troop east and more were sent north and south led by Dori and Gloin.  
They kept the plan secret from Fili but Thorin smiled more when he was having dinner with his nephew, thinking of how surprised and happy Fili would be when he had someone loving and nourishing to keep him company at home. 

It took years and years, and far longer than anyone had expected for Thorin to finally find his mate.  
Many women of many races came as they heard the news of Thorin’s proposal for marriage to an eligible female, all eager to wed a king but none turned Thorin’s head and he introduced none to Fili.

Fili knew something was going on when women from every corner of Middle Earth showed up in Erebor. It was baffling to see dwarrowdams, women of the race of Men, and stranger, shorter ladies with bare feet and hairy toes wandering the halls of Erebor. 

He asked many of his teachers but none would tell him, simply saying he was too young to know. That of course made him angry but he stayed silent after a few attempts. He was 15 old enough to figure out these things on his own. And he did. In the library he researched and read everything about female gatherings. He took to sneaking around in the city unseen and listened in on conversations that made his young ears burn. And then he listened at the throne room door and his world shattered.

Thorin was to wed. 

The man he had called Uncle and father all his life that had rarely had time to share a meal with him had found the time to marry one of the many harlots running about the mountain.  
Hurt, Fili withdrew completely and found himself frequenting the taverns of the miners. 

*~*

Thorin was about to give up his search for the perfect wife and mother when Balin, Dwalin, and Gloin returned with yet more women that didn’t fit the criteria. But then Dori returned. At first they thought him empty handed and Thorin let his shoulders fall in disappointment.  
Dori moved aside and behind him was the most beautiful dwarrowdam Thorin had ever laid eyes on.

Her hair was thick and darker than the night with golden beads adorning her braids, her eyes just as deep and dark as her hair and holding secrets that he ached to know. She gave him a timid smile and he felt his heart skip a beat. A movement beside her skirt caught at the periphery of his vision and he looked down to see a dark mop of hair and shining eyes blinking back at him curiously. 

The lady already had a child. She was perfect! Thorin almost crowed. The search was over and all the women could get out of his mountain. Fili would have a new mother and someone to play with. He looked at Dori with something akin to adoration before he rose from his throne and tipped his head to the dwarrow. The child hiding in her skirts clutched at the material with chubby hands and shrank away cautiously. 

“Your highness, we are honored to be here,” the lady started, her accent rough but lilting much like the miners. 

Thorin gave her his most welcoming smile. “Milady, I would like to invite you to stay in Erebor. Your presence in my halls would be most welcome.”

*~*


	2. Chapter 2

The dwarrowdam was in Erebor for two months before Thorin made his intentions known and he proposed to her. Her son, Kili, had finally come out from behind his mother’s skirts during that time and was quickly getting bored with being relegated to one part of the King’s Halls. He was happy and had far too much energy stored in his little body. Thorin had forgotten how fun it was to play with a young child, just running around pillars and playing adventurous games made up on the spot. 

As result of his play with Kili and his courting of the Lady Ora, Thorin had often missed his mealtimes with Fili. He felt incredibly guilty and tried to make it up to him by having servants leave gifts in his bedchambers or being sure to have the chefs prepare his favorite meals. He hadn’t actually seen his sister-son in three weeks but that was soon about to change. 

Tonight he was going to introduce Fili to Ora and Kili and if all went well they would hit it off and Thorin would have a wife and two sons and Fili would come back out of his shell and be the boy he used to be  
.  
*~*

The King under the Mountain had no idea that while he was making his plans to introduce Fili to his future family members the boy was down in the depths of the mountain, in the farthest parts of the city of miners and smithies.

Fili was much to young to drink ale but down in the city they didn’t care much so long as he paid his tab. There was a particular pub he liked to frequent mostly because it was dark but homey and the owner was always there with a friendly smile and a plate of food for the young prince. 

Not many dwarves down in the city were aware that Fili was a royal son nor did they ask and he felt no obligation to tell them.

He spent his many days drinking his life away. After Thorin hadn’t come to see him in more than a week Fili hadn’t bothered waiting for him anymore. As soon as he woke up he made his way through Erebor and into the waiting arms of warm ale and didn’t pull himself out until late into the night, and only then because the pub closed. 

He never worried Thorin would catch him coming back to his rooms staggering about like a newborn foal because the king was obviously more interested in his new wife.  
Yes, he knew everything about the Lady Ora. One of the benefits of frequenting taverns is that you hear all the latest gossip.   
He had been too drunk to give a damn but later when he had stumbled into his bedchambers and wretched his guts out upon the stone floor he had wept for the father he missed. 

“Can you make it home, kid?” asked the tavern owner, Bofur. 

Fili shook his head and immediately regretted it when his world jolted into a dizzying spin. “Goz id,” he grunted incoherently and concentrated on getting up from his seat and making it to the door. 

Bofur frowned in worry. “You drank too much this time, lad.” In truth the boy drank too much every time.  
Fili ignored the dwarf. He managed to get out of the bar without falling over anything or puking so he counted it as a success. 

He had made it to the royal halls when suddenly he was grabbed by the upper arms and dragged up and around. He cried out in surprise and moaned as his stomach churned.

“Fili?” 

Uh oh.   
He blinked and focused on the figure in front of him. Yep, it was uncle Thorin and he looked pissed. For some reason Fili found this insanely funny and started to laugh. 

“What is the matter with you?” Thorin growled, shaking Fili by the shoulders roughly. The smell of stale beer hit his nose and he all but threw the boy away from him. “You’re drunk!” he roared.

“I’s drunnnkened,” Fili drawled in between peels of laughter. His uncle was scary as hell when he was angry and he knew he would regret everything in the morning but for now Thorin’s fury-reddened face was hilarious. 

“DWALIN!” Thorin yelled, making Fili flinch back, his ears ringing.

The captain of the guard came running around the corner after a moment.  
“Take him to his chambers and summon Oin,” barked Thorin, his voice cold with his rage. 

Fili swayed as he was passed off to the much larger dwarf. He let himself be pulled along like a child, Dwalin’s grip firm but welcomingly steady.  
The king followed them more slowly, his blood boiling with his anger at Fili but also with himself. This was all his fault, he knew. 

After that Fili hadn’t been allowed out of the king’s halls without an escort. Thorin decide to wait another week before he brought Ora and Kili along to meet Fili.

*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the short updates, just posting as I get a section edited.


	3. Chapter 3

Fili sat stunned, blinking at the dark-haired boy standing in front of him in a mix of confusion and hurt. Another child had never been mentioned. He had prepared to be ignored for a woman but he had no idea how to handle the news of a child taking his place as well.  
It certainly explained why Thorin had been completely absent lately. 

The boy, Kili, bounced towards him with a happy smile that lit up his eyes. “We’re going to be brothers!” he exclaimed. He leaned in close and sniffed at the sweet smell of leather and pine mixing with the slight sourness of ale that came rolling off the older dwarfling.

Fili just blinked again.  
Ora looked to Thorin, wondering if she should get her son out of the room for a while. But Thorin showed no concern.  
She liked Fili already, she could see he was hurting and lonely and all her motherly instincts were telling her to scoop him up and coddle him but she had a feeling he wouldn’t approve of it. She also couldn’t judge how temperamental he was and if Kili’s energetic approach to life would stress him or not. As it was he looked like he just wanted to disappear. 

Kili tipped his head to stare into Fili’s eyes. “What’s the matter with you?” he asked curiously. “Can’t you speak?”

Fili’s face fell into a glower but he didn’t answer. 

“Fili, answer your brother.” Thorin commanded on a sigh. He should have expected this not to go well.

That was the last straw. Fili got to his feet and knocked Kili backward, making the smaller child land hard on his butt. 

“He is not my brother,” he yelled and pointed a finger at Ora. “She is not my mother and you are not my father!” The tears he had tried so hard not to let fall flooded his eyes and spilled over his cheeks. 

Thorin opened his mouth to scold his sister-son but Fili wasn’t going to listen to any of it. He ran out of the room without looking back even when his name was called. He heard Thorin order the guards to stop him and he ran faster.  
Dodging maids and soldiers and various dwarf lords, he made his way into the city where he could hide easily. 

Kili rubbed his butt as he got to his feet, thankful he had landed on a rug instead of the marble floor. “What a brat.”

“Kili,” Ora reprimanded gently. Her heart ached for Fili. Thorin had told her of his poor parenting but she hadn't truly thought him to be speaking the whole truth. After all he was remarkable with Kili upon first meeting.

Thorin placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m afraid Kili is right. I have not been the best father to him and he has turned into a brat.” 

“Can I help find him?” Kili asked them, his mood back to its normal happy state.

*~*

Kili was the one to find Fili from the scent of him alone. He didn’t know how he did it but the smell of the older dwarrow was strong and left a trail through the city and the closer Kili got the stronger the scent.  
It was strange but he didn’t give it a second thought, instead he decided to pretend he was a wolf on the hunt. 

The young dwarf was on his hands and knees, nose in the air and eyes half closed as he entered the tavern and sniffed his way right up to Fili’s leg.  
Bofur raised a bushy eyebrow, he coughed and tipped his head in the child’s direction to get Fili to look down. 

Fili stared at Kili for a moment before rolling his eyes and taking a deep drink from his mug. 

“Found you!” Kili announced proudly, jumping to his feet and bouncing there until Fili looked at him again. 

“Good job, now go away.” Fili grunted. 

Kili shook his head. “Can’t. Told mama I would find you and bring you back for Papa.” 

Fili snorted and promptly choked into his drink. He gave Bofur a grateful nod when the dwarf patted his back. “Papa?”

“King Thorin,” Kili clarified with a big smile. “He said to call him papa since he and mama are getting married next month. And then we’ll be true brothers!” 

Was the kid stupid or just blind? Couldn’t he understand Fili didn’t share his excitement? Couldn't he understand Fili had no real family? And certainly no one that wanted him.

Bofur meanwhile was making the connections and realized that the young blonde dwarf was the king’s adopted son. He gave a loud cry of surprise and snatched the mug of ale from Fili’s hands.  
“Oi! You could get me hanged for this, lad,” he shouted, causing the other patrons to whip around and stare at them. 

Fili glared at Kili. Now the kid had cost him his liquor. “Happy now?”

Kili nodded. He didn’t understand why he shouldn’t be happy. He had found his new brother and was going to bring him home and make Papa happy again. And that would be much easier when Fili wasn’t drinking. “Come on then,” he invited, holding out his hand. 

The older dwarfling sneered at it and brushed passed Kili, now that he had no reason to stay in the pub. He might as well go and see if the miners would put him up for the night. There was no way he was going back to Thorin now.  
Kili skipped after him, humming something that sounded vaguely elvish. 

“I’m not going back. They’ll have to drag me in irons,” the golden child said under his breath as he wound his way through the lower city. 

Kili paused in his skipping. “Why?” 

A sad smile slid the corner of Fili’s lips up. “Because I have no place there.”

“But you do!” Kili laughed, grabbing Fili’s arm and spinning him round. “Papa loves you and mama and I will love you too.” 

Fili jerked his arm back. “You’re a fool.” 

Kili frowned. “Why are you so mean? Don’t you know how to be nice?” 

“Kili, go back to your mother and ‘papa’. Leave me in peace, please.” Fili rubbed at the spot between his eyes. He knew Kili’s answer before the boy even shook his head no. 

“Nope. If you won’t go with me I’ll go with you because that’s what brother’s do.” Kili said, stubbornly wrapping a chubby hand around Fili’s wrist. “And don’t bother trying to ditch me. I’ll find you easy,” he gave the older boy a sniff for emphasis.

“You’re weird.” 

Kili smiled brightly as if it were the best compliment anyone had ever given him. 

*~*


	4. Chapter 4

It was almost a week and a half before they finally found the young dwarflings, and only then because Bofur’s cousin Bifur had recognized Fili sniffing around Bombur's kitchens and had alerted the guard.  
Dwalin and several guards surrounded Fili and Kili in a little area of the city where the lower classes lived.  
Ironically it was Kili that put up the most fight. He hadn’t wanted to leave his new brother and their new exciting life running about Erebor unseen. Even though he missed his mama and his warm bed and as much food as he could eat he had gotten used to curling up with Fili in corners and miners’ carts and sneaking food from kitchens and vendors.

Fili had remained grumpy for the first few days but Kili’s good spirits had been contagious and soon he had begun smiling brightly and enjoying their grand adventure.  
Kili longed to keep that smile forever on his brother’s face. 

As soon as the guards had taken hold of Fili that smile had gone, the shine in his eyes disappeared and Kili swore vengeance for their loss.  
He tried to comfort Fili as they were taken to the throne room but the boy stared at the floor and shuffled along without struggle as if he couldn’t hear Kili at all.

Ora had been worried sick for her son and stepson, never mind that the wedding had been postponed until the boys could be found. As soon as her son was brought to her (being dragged by two guards, his teeth clamped around a mouthful of one guard’s chainmail-covered arm) she dropped to her knees with relief beside the king's throne.  
They let him go and instead of running to his mother he kicked the guard as hard as he could in the shin and rushed to Fili’s aid, trying frantically to pry Dwalin’s thick fingers off the boy. 

Fili didn't bother struggling, he knew Dwalin's grip to be too strong for them to break.

Thorin was beyond his anger with Fili for running away by now. He had spoken to his council of his failures as a parent, had spent nights just speaking to his sister's tomb and begging her for guidance. And he had taken steps to freeing up his time as king under the mountain so he could play a larger part in his sister-son's life, something he knew he should have done long ago. Silently, he sat on his throne and watched the spectacle Kili was making of himself without any of his former rage. In fact he began to laugh. 

Fili’s head jerked up and Kili whipped around to look up at the king with wide eyes. Ora stared at her husband to-be with confusion.  
But Dwalin understood and let a small smile grace his face as Thorin doubled over in his throne laughing loudly, the sound like thunder and falling rock.

Finally the king under the mountain gathered himself and went to his children. Kili immediately fell into his arms but Fili needed to be pulled into the embrace. 

“Don’t you ever do that again,” he whispered into the top of Fili’s golden head. He felt the boy tremble against him and his heart burst with the love he felt for his sister-son. “I will be a better father to you, I promise.”

Kili nuzzled himself in between them and buried his nose in his brother’s neck, inhaling his scent. “Told you we loved you.”  
Fili choked on a sob and wrapped an arm around Thorin’s neck. “I’m sorry...Papa.” 

*~*

The wedding came and passed giving Fili a new mother who took care of him and a brother who wanted nothing more than to run about the mountain and play with him. His king became his father once more and soon Fili became a lighter soul. He was still quiet and more reserved than a usual dwarrow but he smiled and laughed easier and more quickly. 

It was sixty years when the next big event in their lives happened.  
Erebor had been peaceful and prospering greatly for many years and now was the time of Fili’s coming of age.  
A huge party was being planned, Thorin was stressed, Kili was too busy having fun to care, and Fili was dreading the day like a plague.

Coming of age meant he would be expected to start courting. Already females were giggling at him wherever he went, fluttering their lashes and trying to get his attention. He had no doubt that the party would be far worse with all the dwarf lords bringing their many daughters along and parading them about like prizes.  
Fili dreaded the day for he never quite knew how to act around them.

He was out in the courtyard practicing his footwork out in the open on the side of the mountain when he heard giggling behind him. He whipped around, hair trailing behind him like a golden veil, and saw three dwarrowdams above him in a balcony whispering and laughing with each other.  
Rolling his eyes, he went back to swinging his twin blades about in fluid movements. 

“Oi! Go sew something!”

Surprised, Fili turned once again to see Kili walking toward him, yelling at the girls. 

Kili looked at him with a wide smile that crinkled his eyes. “Fucking vultures,” he barked loudly but without any real heat.  
They giggled even louder but retreated, or at least moved out of sight.

Fili nodded his agreement. “They scare me far more than all the orcs in Mordor.” He twirled a sword in his hand with a flick of his wrist and held the hilt toward the other dwarf. “Care to join me?”

“Nah,” Kili declined, shaking his head and taking a seat on a boulder on the very edge of the mountain. “Continue on, brother.” 

Fili shrugged and moved back into position, ignoring the fluttering in his chest.

Sitting silently wasn’t Kili’s natural state and it usually made him very restless but when he was observing Fili he wouldn’t feel the need to move for hours. There was something in the way Fili’s muscles shifted under his skin with each step and swing of the swords, in how his hair moved like silk in the soft glow of a setting sun that was mesmerizing to Kili.  
He definitely knew why the ladies all made such a fuss over his brother. 

“I don’t understand why they simper so,” he mused, watching the fading light create rippling patterns on Fili’s bare, golden skin. 

Fili cast him a glance without breaking form. “Oh?”

Kili nodded. “Well, if I were a woman and I wanted you I would just take you without any of this giggling nonsense.” 

The prince stopped mid-swing, his arm suddenly too weak to hold up the weapon properly. “Would you?” he arched a brow at his companion. 

“Oh yes.” Kili confirmed with a half-smile, pulling a leg up until he almost straddled the boulder. “All that tittering about gets them nowhere fast. As you said, it’s downright scary.” 

Fili sheathed his swords. There was no point in practicing when he couldn’t concentrate. “So how would you get my attention then?” 

Kili tilted his head, his eyes absently following a drop of sweat down his brother’s stomach. He dropped his eyes to his hands quickly, feeling his heart quicken in the familiar way it had since they were children.  
“I um—“ he cleared his throat. “I would just talk to you, get to know you and make you want me.” 

“How?” Fili asked curiously. He couldn’t imagine Kili courting anyone but he liked the idea of his approach. The world of courting would be much easier if the ladies would just speak to him like normal rather than hang about in packs and make him feel as if he was about to be set upon by wolves. 

“Well if I were a dwarrowdam I would be very attractive, of course,” Kili said with a smug smile. “You wouldn’t be able to look away but I wouldn’t bother teasing you with peeks at bare flesh and lusty promises.”

Fili grunted and lowered himself to the ground beside Kili’s boulder. “But what if I liked bare flesh and promises?” he winked and discreetly eyed the peek of bare collarbone Kili’s gaping shirt allowed this evening.

Kili shrugged. “Then you would tell me and I would give you all you desire.”

“Ladies are not meant to be bawdy.” Fili reminded him. 

The dark-haired prince nodded in agreement. “Of course not. But it is not bawdy to take a man you intend to wed.”

“Would you wed me, Kili?” It came out far more hopeful than he had intended but thankfully Kili didn’t seem to take notice.

“Yes,” Kili answered without hesitation. “Any woman would, brother. You’re a catch.” 

Fili frowned. “Why do you call me that?”

“Because your strong and brave and an heir to a whole kingdom. And you’re incredibly easy on the eyes.”

“No, I mean you keep calling me your brother.”

Kili froze. Not again.  
They had had quite a few problems with Fili not quite feeling a part of the family. He had thought it sorted after all these years.  
“Fili, you are my brother in every way except blood. The real question is why don’t you call me brother?”

“I can’t.” Fili answered quietly, swallowing hard. He pulled a knife out of his hip sheath and dug it into the rocky dirt. “I could never call you brother, Kee, never.” 

Pain shot through Kili’s chest at the words but he tried hard to keep his hurt from showing and let his body slide off the rock until he rested on his butt beside the older dwarf. He wanted to cuff Fili’s ear because no matter how old Fili got he still acted like a brat some days.  
“Why not? Am I not good enough to be your brother?” he tried to keep his voice lighthearted.

Fili rolled his eyes and gave the dark-haired boy a nudge with his shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. I just don’t think of you as a brother.” 

Another pain ripped into Kili’s chest. “Gee thanks.” 

“That’s not what I—Kili!” Fili reached out and tried to catch Kili’s shirt hem as the younger dwarf got up and walked off.

Kili rolled his eyes and looked back at his brother. “One day you will call me brother, Fee. I won’t stop trying to prove to you that I love you. We are family.” He gave him a smile even though inside he was hurting.  
Fili had no idea how hard it was to remain cheerful around him when he was so determined to deny their kinship. An insecure child acting out is one thing but Fili was a grown dwarf now and he couldn’t forgive him so easily anymore. 

Fili hung his head as Kili disappeared inside the mountain. He hated hurting KIli but he couldn't help how he felt. With a self-deprecating glower he got back to his feet and threw his knife. The forced smile the dark-haired dwarf had parted with burned into his mind. 

*~*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very happy about the way this chapter turned out but every time I changed it just made it worse so here ya go, hopefully ya'll like it,

The feast held for Fili’s coming of age was festive and over the top in its extravagance. Kili loved it. There was nothing better than all the food you could eat (and throw) and never ending goblets of wine and beer. It definitely brightened his mood after his spat with his brother.

Fili was the only one that appeared miserable in the whole affair, sitting at the royal table and barely picking at the meat heaped upon his plate.  
He squirmed and tried not to sink down under the feeling he was being watched. There were far too many females staring at him in a way that made him nervous. It was like they expected him to stand up and pronounce his undying devotion to one of them.  
It didn’t help that Kili’s words kept coming back to him. “If I was a woman and I wanted you I would just take you.”

He swallowed hard and resisted the urge to slump in his seat. He wished Kili hadn’t said anything because now all he could think about now were those words. His gut twisted with anxiety. What if Kili knew how his words would make him feel and he had said them on purpose?  
The thought that Kili might know how he felt was bad enough but if he knew and was just toying with him that was just unbearable. 

As Thorin stood and made a speech about what a wonderful king Fili was going to be one day, Kili smiled brightly at his brother, his adoration plain on his face for those who cared to look. Only Fili and Thorin, remained ignorant. 

*~*

The feast went by far too slowly in Fili’s way of thinking. Sure there were presents and well-wishes and love from all ends of the mountain but he was just grateful for it to be done and over with. He was more tired after the one evening of festivities than he had ever been after a week of grueling training sessions with Dwalin.  
Maybe he truly was getting old. He would much rather chalk it up to age than what was truly bothering him.

Kili followed along beside him as always as they made there way to their chambers, the dark-haired dwarf twirling and swaying in time to the tune that still beat in his head.  
The corners of Fili’s mouth twitched uncontrollably into a fond smile.

Without asking Kili accompanied his brother into his bedchambers, he rarely ever slept in his own.  
He hummed cheerfully and caught Fili by the arm and gave him a spin around the room before he let him go to watch him stagger into an ungraceful sprawl in the huge, princely bed. 

“Cut it out, Kee,” the older dwarf grumped straightening himself out. “’m too tired to deal with you acting the fool right now.” 

Kili rolled his eyes. “How can you be tired? You didn’t eat or drink or dance or anything!”

“Its exhausting just being this perfect. You can’t expect me to do stuff too.” Fili deadpanned, bringing a smile to the darker dwarf’s lips. “And I ate.”

“Ha! Barely.” Kili scoffed, crossing his arms over his thick chest. “So are you going to tell me what’s bothering you or do I have to beat it out? You’re being a real buzzkill.”  
He watched his brother shake his head and turn away to prepare for bed with a since that he was on the verge of discovering something and it made his blood pound excitedly.  
Fili had a secret!

“Come on, Fee,” he wheedled. “You can tell me anything. I’m your brother I would never judge you.” 

Fili stiffened at the word and Kili threw his hands in the air in frustration. His fingers itched to get around the blonde’s neck. There was only so much you could do with a person who was unable or unwilling to accept you.  
He growled his frustration and turned to leave the room. 

“Where are you going?” Fili asked, not turning around as he drew on his nightclothes. 

“To my own room. I’ll be sleeping there for the foreseeable future.” He could hardly remember a night when he didn’t have Fili’s body draped all over him by morning but he supposed he could get used to sleeping alone. He wouldn’t subject Fili to his presence any more than he had to.

Fili turned in surprise and stared at the younger male. He was already at the door but paused with his hand on the knob as if waiting for something.  
“You really want to?” There had only been a handful of times when Kili had chosen to sleep in his own bed, usually when he was sick or angry with him. 

Kili glared at him over his shoulder. “No I don’t want to!” he snapped. “I want to be here. I want to go back to the way things were before you got into this weird mood of yours. I want you to just learn to deal and be my brother and let us be a whole family. But you won’t, and I can’t deal with you pushing me away anymore. So I am going to my room and perhaps I will see you at breakfast.” 

Fili grimaced as something in his chest squeezed uncomfortably. His heart ached when Kili’s hand twisted the doorknob and pulled it open. He could feel the need for strong ale begin to tug at his mind.  
He had given up drowning his loneliness in alcohol decades ago not so much because Thorin had ordered it but because of Kili. If he no longer had his friend what was to stop him from falling back into old habits? 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

Kili slammed the door shut and whirled to face his brother.  
“What else can I do, Fili? I’ve tried everything to make you love me but nothing is good enough!” Kili yelled, voiced cracking with the force of his anger. 

“I won’t call you brother not because I don’t love you, Kili!” Fili yelled back, unable to keep from raising his own voice in reaction. Kili’s dark orbs glittered with hurt and unshed tears and Fili had to drop his eyes, unable to meet the younger dwarf’s gaze when he was looking at him like that. “It’s because I love you too much.” 

It was probably better for the both of them if he just let Kili go. But he knew he would sooner give up breathing. Even though he was now of age and had many princely duties to attend to, there was nothing but emptiness without the other dwarf.

Kili’s eyebrows shot up. His heart started to beat faster. Could Fili be saying what he thought he was saying?

Fili kept his head bowed, shame a heavy burden that weighed his shoulders down. How long had he wanted Kili, forty years? Fifty? And now he was confessing, but it didn’t relieve him of his guilt like he had hoped, if anything it added to it. Especially now when he could feel Kili’s dark eyes burning holes in him.

“So what are you saying, Fee?” asked Kili, his voice slightly squeaky. “That you want to what? Marry me?” He all but laughed at that. He could just imagine Thorin and mama’s face if they came skipping into the throne room holding hands and professing their love for each other. 

Fili shrugged and peaked at Kili over his shoulder, blonde curls acting like a curtain between them. “Yeah,” he answered simply.

The soft word was enough to knock Kili over. He quickly sat down on the edge of the bed they had shared innocently enough for most of their lives, his knees suddenly weak. He had grown up loving Fili more than anything, they had never been apart, despite the rocky beginning.  
In his mind they had always been brothers, even though he had far more romantic thoughts about the blonde dwarf at times. But Kili had always known that one day Fili would find a wife and have children and he would be left behind and here now Fili was telling him he was the one he wanted. It was like a dream. A very good dream that he would wake up from soon. 

“Fili, I—“

“I know,” the prince interjected. “It’s ridiculous and I understand if you don’t want to be around me anymore.”  
He stared hard at the angled patterns in the rug. He felt like such a betrayer of Kili’s trust for having the thoughts he had of the dwarf that had accepted him as his family even after he had treated him badly. 

Kili jerked back as if he’d been struck. “Why would I not want to be around you, Fee? Because you love me so much?” He couldn’t even entertain the thought of trying to live without his brother in his life. “Would you turn from me if I told you I loved you as more than a brother as well?” He tried so hard to keep the nervousness from his voice but it still trembled on his lips. 

“Of course not.” Fili answered immediately. “That would make me the happiest dwarf in all of Middle Earth,” he admitted with a rueful smile. 

Kili grinned and the twisted bundle of nerves in the pit of his stomach loosened. He swallowed hard and decided to take his own advice. If he wanted someone he should take him. He got shakily to his feet and squared his shoulders.  
“Then let me make you happy,” he said, his voice full of yearning as he grabbed the blonde prince by the shoulder and spun him around to catch his lips in a hard kiss. 

Fili gave a grunt of surprise when he was roughly spun around and hot lips were suddenly pressing against his own. He pulled back, after a full minute of letting Kili just fuse their mouths together, and blinked at the dark-haired archer.  
His brain was fuzzy and he wasn’t quite certain he could form full sentences. 

His lips tingling pleasantly and Fili’s scent all around him, Kili rocked back on his heels and smiled warily at his brother. “W-was that okay?” 

Fili nodded. “That was…that was good.” His thoughts felt like they were being processed through syrup but he was pretty sure this meant Kili wanted him too. His heart pounded with elation and arousal. 

“Yeah? Let’s do it again,” gasped Kili, dragging the shorter dwarf against him and capturing that sinful mouth again. 

There were sparks dancing along his lips and the heat that spread between them was making him dizzy. Thankfully Fili seemed to have enough presence of mind to walk him backward to the bed. Kili just went with it, too focused on the way Fili’s tongue was licking at his lips to care much when he was coaxed into lying on the bed.  
He tangled his fingers in golden curls and arched his back as Fili came to rest on top of him, their bodies all but melting together and Fili’s scent filling his lungs. 

If Fili could think beyond the rush of want and the consistently growing need to have Kili’s clothes ripped from his body then he would be thanking Mahal for his blessings but he couldn’t think clearly. And he wouldn’t for a few more hours. 

*~*

It took a long while for the young dwarf princes to finally leave their room to go and tell their parents but when they burst into the council chambers, cheeks flushed and huge smiles in place, no one was completely surprised.  
Thorin had a mini stroke but Ora eventually managed to gently calm him and helped him to see what a wonderful thing it was. 

It wasn’t too long before the whole of the mountain knew, seeing as Fili was the heir and Kili just didn’t care what people thought. He had what he wanted and if that happened to be a golden-haired brat then that was his business.  
And with Kili at his side, Fili never had a cause to feel lonely again. 

 

end


End file.
